Schools cannot work in isolation to foster positive relationships amongst young people

Teachers, when asked at job interview ‘what are the characteristics of effective education?’, or words to that effect, will include in their answer (if they are any good) the notion of positive relationships.

The nature of the connection, the understanding, between student and teacher makes a huge difference. It is the basis for successful teaching and learning, however that coeval interaction might develop. Wider relationships across a whole school family matter too, including, critically, between home and classroom. The school ecosystem consists of numberless interrelations buffeted variously by outside, societal influences. This is the malleable, raw human material of school communities.

We would not wish to suggest however that every facet of school character might succumb to the sway of any given moment: values and ethos can abide across generations. But schools are dynamic too and routinely translate and map age old tenets onto the stuff of modern lives. Irrespective of passing zeitgeist, we would like to think that schools have always actively fostered healthy, dignified, mutually respectful relationships guided by their values and ethos, acting as a helpful keel in sometimes challenging and unsettling periods. And we are living in a moment right now when the substance of good schooling is very much required.

Here at Bradford Grammar, we recognise the importance of nurturing positive relationships within every aspect of School life, whether it be developing team work skills in class and in the co-curriculum (within a Duke of Edinburgh expedition group, a debating team, a musical ensemble or sports squad for example), or identifying opportunities for students to develop supportive pastoral relationships with individual staff or student mentors built on trust and respect (with a form tutor, teacher, pastoral lead, Nurse, Counsellor or Pastoral Prefect for example). We encourage our young people to speak to someone if they are worried about their own situation or that of another student. And very often it is what other students notice and share with a trusted member of staff that leads to pastoral steps being taken to support someone who is vulnerable or struggling. The responsibility to take care of your friends as well as yourself is a pastoral keystone at BGS, as is the need to be an upstander not a bystander – to challenge or report behaviour that you know is wrong, not look the other way.

While the assimilation of good habits from an environment where positive behaviours are modelled all around you counts for a lot, there needs, of course, to be proactive education too. This is the case more than ever with the societal challenges and pressures of the modern age, exacerbated in some contexts by the behavioural dynamics of social media. Recognising what a good relationship looks like is a golden thread which runs throughout our Personal Development programme, from the youngest children in our Junior School to the young adults in our Sixth Form. Developing and revisiting the key themes of positive and negative relationships, friendships and bullying, as our students make their way up the School, we aim to teach them not only what a good relationship looks like but also that each and every one of them has the right to expect these in life and must not settle for less. They need to be equipped to deal with peer pressure, to be strong enough to make the right choices not the popular ones, to understand fully what consent means and recognise when lines are crossed, to know what is unacceptable and illegal both offline and online, and to be confident about what to do when they are uncomfortable about the direction a relationship is taking.

I could go on and mention restorative justice chats in the HoYs Room where perpetrators and victims of unkind behaviour explain their perspective to one another, or the work of our Pastoral Prefects unpicking online behaviour scenarios with younger students explaining mistakes that they or their peers have made in the past, or examples of (external) early help being sought for risk-taking behaviour by vulnerable children.

But, as alluded to above, relationships at any school do not exist in a vacuum and we have had a sharp, uncomfortable reminder of this in recent weeks. Echoing the many statements of others in education, the testimonies on the Everyone’s Invited platform have been distressing to read and describe wholly unacceptable, often criminal, behaviour. Coverage of these testimonies in the formal (and social) media has focused largely on the part played by schools and also universities, although a diversity of contexts, often outside school, private parties for example, are identified as settings for much alleged, truly awful sexual violence.

Mirroring a broad acceptance and objective understanding of the complexity surrounding these matters, the Association of School and College Leaders said the following:

“This is a wider issue than what happens in schools. Parents have a responsibility to talk to their children about how they behave towards others. Social media companies have a responsibility to take more care about how their platforms are used. The criminal justice system has a responsibility to show young people that it can be trusted to prosecute and bring to justice sexual offenders.”

This in no way diminishes the privileged role of schools to address damaging attitudes and behaviour of all kinds, including regarding sexual harassment. Schools work assiduously to safeguard their students and employees and very high standards are expected by the whole school community and also an inspectorate acting on behalf of the Department for Education. Moreover, the new RSHE (Relationships, Sex and Health Education) curriculum, including teaching about sexual abuse, cyber-bullying and pornography as well as healthy relationships and consent, delivered this past year at Bradford Grammar, represents another welcome step in the right direction. But schools do not and cannot act in isolation, nor are they ever going to provide a one stop shop fix for any of society’s ills, however tempting it might be to reach the nearest Headteacher or Designated Safeguarding Lead, usually via the latest policy initiative, for a silver bullet solution.

The aftermath of recent tragic events has brought matters of consent and conduct amongst young people into sharp relief. Schools, the predispositions and relationships we seek to help nurture, are under scrutiny. Teachers represent one type of influence on the nation’s young and schools want to be part of positive action to improve attitudes and behaviour. In order to do so we seek and expect to work with others, families, government, law enforcement, charities and representatives of the media for example, to enact lasting change. Responsibility must be coordinated and shared.

The clue to finding a meaningful framework for regarding and addressing many deeply-rooted societal issues, amongst the young and adult population alike, whatever they may be, can be found in the plurality of the word ‘relationships’.